i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
