capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I checked into jail on foursquare
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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