I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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