We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
