And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
