i think i have herpe
just one?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
