I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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