Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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