Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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