you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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