Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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