You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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