If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
