What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
