Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
