I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
