I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
