The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
