Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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