Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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