Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
