i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
