I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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