woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
