Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
