i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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