Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
