Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
