She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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