Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
