Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
