My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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