Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
