I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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