i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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