Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
