he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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