tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
