yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
