so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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