Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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