Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
