This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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