Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
