My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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