i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
