Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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