Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
honey bunches of taint.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
