Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
