I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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