If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
