Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
